I attended the world’s funkiest elementary school: The Ethical Culture School in Riverdale, NY. It sits within an amazing little enclave on the Hudson at the Southern-most tip of the Bronx. Fieldston (as it is known) is an amazing institution. Among its many unique lower school classes, there was Ethics class. We learned calligraphy.   And we had Industrial Arts where I learned how to sew, stitch and yes, even embroider. You know, like the Bayeux Tapestry. Did I mention my introduction to the medieval art of illumination?

Now sewing has always been a useful skill. Like cooking, mending a button for a special lady friend is a winning play. Batman can sew. Benjamin Franklin could sew. And I am pretty sure Mad Max knew how to sew – or at least, he had to figure it out.  But knowing how to sew saved my daughter’s first day of kindergarten big time. And I couldn’t have felt like more of a proud father.

Batman can sew. Benjamin Franklin could sew.

So for the record: Iron-on patches and nylon bags? Terrible mix. It was out first day of kindergarten, and we were rushing. Someone thought it would be amazing to iron on the Share Bear Care Bear patch (yes, really) onto E’s brand new purple L.L. Bean book bag. I got out the iron, heated it up and applied iron to patch, and instantly melted holes in the bag. No one else saw it, but there were two dime sized holes in the bag, near the bottom where they would be subject to much wear and tear. I needed to plug those holes fast, for structural and emotional reasons.

Thankfully, we keep a sewing kit on hand. I busted out the needle and thread, quickly threaded the needle and was sewing the patch on before either of the Police detectives in residence (my wife and E, Senior and junior grade respectively) had a chance to inspect the holes and panic. 20 minutes later, the patch was secure and bag was packed. Mission accomplished and chalk one up for small victories.

And since I wrote this, I had the chance to save my son’s beloved Sharky. A ripped seam on his fin meant Sharky was on the endangered list come the next toy purge. But with a needle and thread and fifteen minutes of concentration, Sharky was as good as new. And Malcolm, who was waiting up patiently for his return, could not have been happier.   +2 for Bad Papa.

Sewing, like many things of value in life, takes patience. You cannot rush it. Rushing leads to sloppy stitching and the sloppy stitches don’t hold [Insert your own life lesson or sweeping metaphor here]. I believe I learned how to sew in fourth grade. And if Eliza’s school doesn’t, I know that I will be sure to teach her myself because sewing is cool. And mending is #awesome.

— Bad Papa East