Plenty of digital ink has been spilled on the subject of helicopter parents, free-range kids and the general overbearing nature that modern parents bring to the task of childcare.  I am interested discussing one small discreet moment within this larger macro:  when your kid falls down.

You can imagine what happens next…

I had the rare pleasure of five straight days with Malcolm at the beach.  He was all the devilish charm and fearless energy standard in three-year old boy.  Like many other kids his age, he loves running when he should walk, clambering on everything like a hungry monkey and seeks nearly every opportunity to test the limits of humor and patience.

He falls down with shocking regularity.  I don’t think he is special because of this; all kids fall down.  And the fact he sports bruises and bumps is completely expected.  In fact, in my eyes, if he WASN’T bruised, in my heart of hearts I would know that I was failing him as a father in some capacity.

Which probably explains the feelings I have watching him fall.  And the possibly, the peculiar calm with which I rise and amble over to the scene of the incident, smiling patiently as some over sensitive parent attempts to console or interview.  Now, rest assured I have had plenty “oh my god, I  killed my kid” moments.  Moments where you have felt — not heard — your only son’s head bounce off concrete.  Or the numerous occasions you have sweetly cajoled your son not to stand on that pipe (please stand on your stool…) while brushing teeth. And the numerous times you were rewarded with an ugly boy meets porcelain mashup.  The worst. Helplessness defined.

I have had plenty “oh my god, I killed my kid” moments.

But that’s not what I talking about.  This is the garden-variety wipe out, face plant or failed playground routine.  It’s all those old cliches rolled into one and yet such a great moment to impart real life lessons.  When it happens, I always say to both of my children “shake it off, shake it off.”  We have a dialogue about falling down: how do you feel now, are you ok, and most importantly, want to get back up and do it again?  And I really emphasize that last one.  I think it’s best thing I get to do in a given day is to reinforce their confidence and engender self-sufficiency and resilience.

But then I carefully consider what I will tell my wife when she asks about the bruise(s).